trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
