Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
