Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
