Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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