that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize