do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Mom said you looked used
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
