I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
