he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
