so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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