at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
