I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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