Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
