Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
