Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
