to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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