wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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