so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
