It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
