a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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