Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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