He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
