Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
