I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When did angry sex become our thing?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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