For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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