Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
