You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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