Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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