I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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