I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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