lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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