He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
