Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
