So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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