The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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