Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
