just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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