how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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