her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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