so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
