So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
