don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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