We're like a lot better than the average bears
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
