i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
