im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
