No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
