Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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