Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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