Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
