i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We left the knife in your bed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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