Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
