pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
