I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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