I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
