first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
