Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was born a porn star she said
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
