well I can't set my house on fire every night
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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